Progressive Prison Project
Innocent Spouse & Children Project
Greenwich, Connecticut
White Collar Wives Club:
I Know You’re Out There
By Lisa Lawler – Innocent Spouse & Guest Blogger
Lisa Lawler is a new friend and colleague who writes from her heart on her blog, White Collar Wives Club. Below is a recent post, “I Know You’re Out There,” that she has given us permission to republish.
Much of what I love about curating this blogsite are the many relationships we’ve made along the way. While we neither endorse nor edit our guest bloggers, we think we choose wisely. – Jeff
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I’m beginning to hear from women who are finally coming out of the shadows and seeking support. I commend them for their bravery in coming forward and sharing their stores. Bravo to you!!! These women have thanked me for providing a community for them but truth be told it is as much for me as it is for them. Community, fellowship, peer support or whatever you choose to call it is healing and it makes us realize that we are not alone. There is safety in numbers and my hope is that more women will come forward and seek the support they need and deserve.
I’ve spoken at length about guilt by association and the stigma that goes along with being a white collar wife. The shame and humiliation alone are enough to down even the strongest of women and the women I have spoken with are survivors of the most admiral kind. Having your life obliterated and then having to begin again, (especially if you are over 50), with a life in ruins is like trying to climb Everest in the deepest of winter naked without food or water! It is survival on an epic scale. Those of you who have never had to experience this kind of hardship may think I am exaggerating but I’m sure those that are experiencing this new way of being in the world would agree. Dealing with the aftermath of white collar crime is as debilitating as it is exhausting. Rebuilding a life does not happen overnight. It takes years to stabilize emotionally as well as financially. Seeing our children suffer is the worst part of the fallout. People are so quick to judge without all of the facts but the truth is we are also victims of this horrific crime and should never be judged or punished.
I’m sure my very well intentioned and beloved friends wonder why I still reach out to my fellow victims when in their minds I should simply try to move on and away from this chapter of my life. But the horrors of white collar crime continue because I am STILL living in the throes of the aftermath and will continue to do so for some time to come. And how can I walk away knowing the pain and suffering other white collar wives are enduring? It is common knowledge among us that this kind of catastrophic event is far reaching and long lasting. There was no place for me to get help and support when I needed it most. My goal in keeping a light on is that I want women to know that they are not alone. That there is a place for them to go to feel safe, heard and supported. The death rattle of our former lives echos in our hearts and souls and that of our children.
There are those that have little to no sympathy for women who once led a comfortable life and who are now facing such extreme hardships. To those people I say that I hope you never have to experience anything as devastating as what we are experiencing. Through no fault of our own we are left, in many cases, impoverished and without the necessary skills, (more on this in my next blog), to work a job that will support ourselves or care for our children. For these reasons and so many more, I cannot walk away from this pain and suffering and do nothing.
Many thanks to the strong women who have come to find me and help me along my way. We will keep a light burning for others as they try to find their way out of the darkness and into the light. Please join us at The Secret Lives of White Collar Wives on face book, (closed group), or e-mail me at lawlerlisa1@gmail.com.
You are not alone!!
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Progressive Prison Project/
Innocent Spouse & Children Project
at Christ Church Greenwich 254 East Putnam Avenue
Greenwich, Conecticut 06830
Mailing Address: P.O. Box 1232, Weston, Connecticut 06883
Central Ministry & Office: Weston, Connecticut
Rev. Jeff Grant, JD, M Div, Minister/Director
jgrant@prisonist.org
(o) +1203.769.1096
(m) +1203.339.5887
Lynn Springer, Advocate, Innocent Spouses & Children
lspringer@prisonist.org
(m) +1203.536.5508George Bresnan, Advocate, Ex-Patsgbresnan@prisonist.org
Michael Karaffa, Advocate, Disabilities mkaraffa@prisonist.org
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Comments from Social Media:
Lisa,
Thank you for this blog, and for your courage to speak out and to reach out to other women in this situation. We know it’s not easy.
As you know, your and our missions to support white collar families are closely aligned. It would be a blessing to us, our ministees and our readers if you would allow us to reprint this column on our blogsite, prisonist.org, or if you would consider writing one for our site. We would like to make sure your voice is introduced to as many people as possible – your voice is so authentic and powerful.
Thank you for your consideration. You can reach me at jgrant@prisonist.org or feel free to call me – my contact information is at prisonist.org.
Blessings,
Jeff
Rev. Jeff Grant, JD. M Div, prisonist.org
Minister/Director, Progressive Prison Project/Innocent Spouse & Children Project, Greenwich, CT
“The First Ministries in the United States Created to Support People Accused or Convicted of White-Collar and Other Nonviolent Crimes and their Families.”
Jeff, thank you for caring enough to share this piece and for the work you do to help others in need of support and understanding. As you know, the families of white collar criminals are often treated as outcasts by society which only adds to our already heavy burden of losing everything and living lives that are beyond recognition. It’s not about losing the once affluent lifestyle we enjoyed as it is trying to make enough money to put food on the table or clothes on our kids backs. My next blog will address the “no pity” sensibility the general public has for those that have fallen from grace. Thank you again for your support and in sharing my work with your audience. – Lisa Lawler
Lisa Lawler
11:37 AM
Jeff, the power of community is strong! After my blog appeared on your site two days ago several women contacted me seeking support. These women are now in the safe hands of a community of other women who are experiencing the harsh realities of dealing with the fallout of white collar crime. Their stories are heartbreaking and their struggles epic. They have walked miles alone in a very dark place wondering if they would ever find others like them. Connections lead to community and I believe one can move mountains knowing they are not alone. As Mr. Rogers so famously said, “Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.” I am honored to be a helper in paying forward my own experience and lessons learned along my way of seeking a way through the nightmare of being an innocent spouse of a white collar criminal. I welcome all with an open heart and an open mind and I thank you for these connections that you have facilitated. Jeff, you are a fine helper indeed! It is my hope that more women will come forward and find the support they so desperately need. I wish you continued success in your ministry and look forward to working with you further. – Lisa Lawler
Experienced technology and real estate attorney
Nice blog by Ms. Lawler. The suffering of the innocent spouse is usually overlooked or ignored. Once had witnessed this when a client was purchasing a home from an innocent wife. The seller had to jump through numerous hoops because the government had liens on everything, including a business she had created independently of her guilty spouse.
