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remorseful. She will feel the weight of the event more intensely than any spectator. Other people, Williams writes, will try to comfort her, “but it is important that this is seen as something that should need to be done, and indeed some doubt would be felt about a driver who too blandly or readily moved to that position” of comfort.
- Robert Bridges Nicely written, entertaining and educational in that the writer knows a lot about Kierkegaard, Freud and others. I don’t know that I agree with: >> In our therapeutic age, the likely counsel to the troubled former soldier would be “forgive yourself!” But self-forgiveness is a misconception. The only people who can forgive us are those we have sinned against, those we have harmed.
Alfred Dorn Regret allows us to study our past actions in hopes of improving our future responses.
Robert Bridges I agree Alfred that regret allows or forces us to study our past actions and I’ve always thought the refusal to grow/learn/change is blasphemy and growing old is teaching me that regrets need to be looked at through kind and wise eyes with the warmth of the heart.
Laird Ballard Jeff…regret teaches us to avoid continuing on a similar path when seen again. I agree with both Kierkegaard and Thoreau. Good post!
Bob Russel (CIPA 08) Hi There; A rather interesting piece written here. When I pray I always find like having a conversation with God plus time for personal reflection. Thank you.
Sonni Quick: I have a different perspective on the value of forgiveness than what was expressed here and some of that comes from not being a Christian nor do I have a belief a in a God whatsoever which to me is just a teaching passed down through the ages because of man’s desire to understand his life. I’ve been a Buddhist for 30 years which has no outside intelligence with a plan for your life. We generally believe what we are taught and everyone has the right to choose their belief system. I respect that. That being said – forgiveness – I’ve has this talk many times over the years. There are those who think as long as they ask for God’s forgiveness he will save you all all is okay. But as this author also said, forgiveness for whateverbad thing you did does not change what you did. You can think God forgives you but the fact remains that an actual cause was made. The effect can’t be just erased. The effect of that cause will happen. People cannot do what they want and think the act of asking for forgiveness will make it better. Buddhism calls it – The Law of Cause and Effect. Christianity calls it – You Reap What You Soow. Nichiren Buddhists take that law very seriously. Christians rarely do because they think asking for forgiveness fixes their transgression.
No one is perfect, but it is through the mistakes we make, and the genuine perusal of our own nature, thinking about why we do the things we do, and asking ourself why we can’t stop reacting to our environment in a negative way that helps us to gradually change aspects of our ourselves that cause us unhappiness: a quick temper, a judgemental attitude, lying about unnecessary things -anything that brings negativity into play. Why do we do it? It happens over and over until we learn whatever lesson there is to learn. When we change something fundamental inside is it will reflect in our environment. Nothing and no one can change who you are or the life that surrounds you. Only you can do that. I don’t see, in the lives of the Christians I grew up with, or with the Christians I know today, that their faith has changed their life. Yes, they can proclaim their love of God,they can memorized passages in the Bible, they can tell everyone how important God is to them and go to church for activities several times a week – but they don’t understand the meaning of what they practice and apply it to all parts of their life. They are allowed to be hateful and mean against people they don’t like. We saw so much of it this past year – because they don’t understand there are consequences to what they do. They think God will forgive then. In the end their faith hasn’t helped them become better people who make better causes and then have better lives. They think bad behavior is okay and all they wait for is heaven, not realizin
g the state of heaven and hell happens while they live. They don’t have to due to go there.You only need to look at all the miserable and unhappy people there is that gets worse as they age to understand that.Put yourself inside a group of people of any size that understand the law of cause and effect and you will say, “I want what you have.”
Sorry I wrote for so long. It is what I do when I teach a point. My only question for anyone who reads this: ask yourself, Why do you believe what you believe? Who taught you it was the truth? Go to the beginning and question, who taught that person it was the truth. Also, what is your absolute proof?
I have no authority to forgive someone for mugging you, and I can’t forgive myself for cheating someone else.” <<
All this seems to assume that you and me are separate. All this seems to assume that by forgiving ones self (which is possible) others are excluded and thats not the case. I not only can but I may need to forgive “myself for harming another.” And as for regret we all have them and maybe our task is to learn to forgive ourselves for being human and I think when I do this for myself it helps me to do this with others too…even God
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