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White Collar Support Group 250th Meeting Reflections: Fellow Traveler Nom de Plume, Missouri

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Nom de Plume is a member of our White Collar Support Group that meets online on Zoom on Monday evenings. We will celebrate our 250th weekly meeting on Monday, March 29, 2021, 7 pm ET, 4 pm PT; all Fellow Travelers are invited.

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If I had to share one value about Progressive Prison Ministries (PPM) my immediate thought goes to breaking barriers.  The words prison, criminal, convict, fraud, trauma, isolation, dehumanization and I’m sure there are so many more words we can add to the list, is what the average person would come to believe when reading about a person making wrong choices and decisions that result in criminal behavior and or activity.  We are all guilty of reading headlines and feeding into gossip and news about people that are hurting and who have made wrong choices and or perhaps been misunderstood.  Do we stand behind the monarchy or do we stand behind Harry and Meghan?  Are you Republican or a Democrat?  Is it possible to be friends despite having different schools of thought?

We tend to judge and perpetuate a story and an ideal of what a perfect person should be and act.  We feed into a culture of perfection and overdrive.  If that person doesn’t fit the picture, they are ultimately placed in the isolation box.  As humans, we fear what we don’t know and come up with theories, stories and ideas to combat that fear or gap of differentiation to make ourselves feel better.  Covid is a perfect example.  Racism is a perfect example.  Homelessness is a perfect example.  Being incarcerated and failure is right up there.

I know I was that average person before I walked in the shoes and clothes of a person that was incarcerated and removed from my family and community.  I wanted to be perfect.  I wanted to be accepted.  I did it the wrong way.  I know I was that average person that was judgmental and seeking approval because I didn’t have all the facts and I certainly didn’t know what I know now.  I didn’t have the lived experience to understand what it feels like to go through an extremely traumatic journey of life on lockdown.  I was privileged and I had all the resources and networks that allowed me to be successful.  I made choices and judgements based on limited information and knowledge.  As Adam Grant wrote in a recent Harvard Business Review, “In a turbulent world, success depends not just on cognitive horsepower but also on cognitive flexibility.”

I’ll take it one step further.  Success means being humble and open to new ideas and thought.  Success means to pause.  Criminal justice issues are extremely controversial and support a narrative that currently allow barriers to exist.   Barriers exist for a reason.  Barriers can be removed.  We see it in the headlines daily.  We are starting to see some light in this sector as more people have a loved one that has been justice impacted.  More than 6.7 million people are incarcerated in the United States.  If that seems high, that’s because it is. Currently, mass incarceration in the United States is unique both historically and internationally. In the past thirty-five years, the incarceration rate has increased fivefold.  While the U.S. has 5% of the world’s population, it has 25% of its prisoners.  For an imprisoned parent, one of the greatest punishments incarceration carries with it is separation from their children and the trauma their family carries from the experience.  Communication and connection are stifled.  You have 300 minutes allocated per month to call home and make sure your children, family and friends are okay.  With Covid, luckily it increased to 500 minutes per month.  That translates to 8.3 hours per month.

Nearly 3.6 million parents are under some form of correctional supervision, including parole. Of these parents, almost 1.1 million are incarcerated in federal, state, or local jails. These parents have an estimated 2.3 million children. Alarmingly, the rate of parental incarceration has gone up sharply in the last decade.  Incarceration doesn’t stop with the individual, it certainly bleeds into the family, community and people affected. 

PPM was created based on a growing need of people going through similar experiences.  People who are wanting to heal versus hurt.   People who are parents seeking resources to help their family know how to navigate when they are removed from their life.  People who need their bubble burst and face reality and accountability.  People who have been placed in a box and often misunderstood.  People who want to make amends and take responsibility, but still are held to a lifelong judgement.  People who want to learn from their mistakes and live forward and are capable of change.  People who want to prevent others from making the same mistakes they made. 

So how do you stand up from a tremendous fall? Mark Sanborn, a noted business leader says “everybody does ordinary work.  It’s how they do it that makes it extraordinary.” 

I wanted to be extraordinary, but the process was not right.  When two concurrent waves of thought are present in today’s world, there can be major disaster.  History has shown this repeatedly.  We see it in politics daily and can apply this statement to many areas in life.  It’s difficult to navigate those tides because the culture and language to recognize a human’s behavior based on their environmental factors does not connect.  There is no communication.  This is a barrier. Each party has their own narrative to support the ideas, emotions, thoughts and culture they live and believe in.  Life blows up and where do you go from there?  When we travel outside of our culture, we are then capable and able to think, experience and accept different ideas and thought.  Perhaps we can see more clearly when we are removed from our comfort zones.  We may actually learn a new language and find a path to become better.  We may actually change and become stronger.  I know I did. 

Pain hurts.  Pain can numb and when it’s not managed appropriately, ignored or understood, it cannot be healed.  With the appropriate care team and tools provided, it can be managed, healed and transferred into stronger and more successful outcomes.  Having PMM as a triage network, provides success stories of overcoming intrinsic pain and weakness.  We certainly know what it feels like to be at the top and how it feels to hit rock bottom.  I have to say that I’ve become a better and stronger person from the failures I’ve experienced after bursting my own bubble.  Unfortunately, while being in the bubble, I hurt many dear and loved ones along the way.  This has been the most difficult part of the journey.  Knowing this hurts tremendously.  I am extremely thankful and grateful to my family and friends who were beside me through the most difficult times that were not easy on them for sure. 

The wrong choices I made in life allow me to see things more clearly.  I also learned more about myself and knowing that being perfect doesn’t mean going into overdrive and being a chronic pleaser.  It’s certainly an uphill climb, but having a team that can help you see through this process is what allows an individual to grow and walk on a safer, authentic, sustainable and clearer path.

When pain isn’t managed, it can be exacerbated into so many outlets in unconscious and subconscious ways.  With pain, communication stops.  This is part of the transformation and acknowledgement that life was not healthy and as a result, behaviors supported a lifestyle that fed into a pain that was not managed effectively.  Unfortunately, punitive measures are taken without consideration of behavioral health and restorative applications.

When a human goes through this journey, finding a healthy network, support system, hope and guidance to become transformative and stronger is essential.  I am blessed to be working as a workforce development case manager at St. Patrick Center.  The clients I work with could very well be me.  If I didn’t have the support and network through this process, I would be homeless and most likely finding outlets to continue managing pain in very unhealthy ways.  I would become another statistic with a revolving door back into incarceration. 

Not having the necessary tools and skillsets in any situation ultimately set-up a person to fail regardless of a conviction.  PPM provides an outlet to let people know they are able to change and that we have the option to humanize vs dehumanize.  We have the ability to choose vulnerability over isolation as we continue to learn more about culture and our human behavior.   Words are important.  Communication is important.  Words are important. 

Culture: The customs, arts, social institutions, and achievements of a particular nation, people, or other social group.

Humanize: To make (something) more humane or civilized.

Dehumanize: To deprive of positive human qualities.

Isolation: The complete separation from others of a person suffering from contagious or infectious disease; quarantine.

Vulnerability: Willingness to show emotion or to allow one’s weakness to be seen or known; willingness to risk being hurt or attacked.

Studies show that the United States has the highest prison rate population in the world with 743 per 100,000 of the national population, followed by Rwanda with 595, and Russia with 568.  Some scholars pin this rise in the prison population to the changing focus from rehabilitation to punishment which has happened since the 1970’s.  Other scholars explain this recent focus on punitiveness as resulting from the interconnections between the media, public opinion, political trends, and legislative changes.  Once dehumanized offenders are typically expelled from the moral community, their negative treatment is seen as justified.

When we don’t speak the same language or experience the same type of environments, it’s difficult to understand the other person’s perspective.  We don’t know what we don’t know.  As a result, it’s important to challenge oneself to be open and to understand where another person may be coming from.

Bringing visibility to the experiences and stories we share through incarceration and breaking down stereotypes are essential. 

I am extremely thankful to be a part of PMM as we are a network that provides opportunities and hope to people who share lived experiences in trauma and stigma.  Our goal is not to perpetuate the stigma, but rather eliminate it through healthy outlets.  Shame, guilt, judgement, and the feeling of not belonging are all emotions and barriers when one takes a detour in life.  Without adequate support, understanding and a foundation for mental health, it’s very easy for someone to completely crash and feel abandoned.  This organization is founded on the belief that each human is deserving of life and dignity.  Dehumanization is not the solution.  PMM breaks barriers through empowerment.

Leo Tolstoy, an incarcerated individual himself, wrote these beautiful words in his lifetime:

“The two most powerful warriors are patience and time. Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself. If you want to be happy, be. There is no greatness where there is no simplicity, goodness and truth. The sole meaning of life is to serve humanity.”

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White Collar Week Podcast: An Evening with Our White Collar Support Group. The support group meeting on this podcast is different than most, because all of the 16 group members appearing have agreed to share their names, faces and very personal stories in an effort to reach out to individuals and families suffering in silence. All on the podcast are post-sentencing or back from prison. Watch on YouTube, Listen on Spotify, Apple Podcasts and SoundCloud, link here.

 

White Collar Support Group 250th Meeting Reflections: Fellow Traveler Fr. Joseph Ciccone, New Jersey

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Joseph Ciccone is a member of our White Collar Support Group that meets online on Zoom on Monday evenings. We will celebrate our 250th weekly meeting on Monday, March 29, 2021, 7 pm ET, 4 pm PT; all Fellow Travelers are invited.

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What a Journey Indeed by Fr. Joe Ciccone, Saint Joseph Mission Church

Time and numbers are such a powerful thing. Think about this, 250 meetings, 5 years of coming together in community. A shared story, most often a painful one, for most of us.  Tremendous regret, sorry, and unimaginable loss. For many of us that story is transformed into one of new beginnings, second chances, and the opportunity to make a difference in the world. That is what the Rev. Jeff Grant has giving to us, his fellow travelers in this Prison Ministry and White Collar Support group. I love the fact that I get to wear a “white” roman Collar now, after my journey. However, I love even more these fellow travelers who continue to show their support, their kindness, and the need to make a difference in the world.  If we have learned anything from this terrible pandemic, it is the challenges of isolation, of lose, and and despair. This group come together sharing what those feelings are like for a lifetime after making a mistake in the hope of criminal justice reform. Of the need to have personal and community growth, but most of all in the chance to shed a stigma of deep regret, shame and suffering and how to become a beacon of hope, compassion and tolerance!

 I would once again like to share my personal growth and story.  This past January will mark 20 years of an indelible mistake where I lost the trust and power given to me by the people who elected me to office. This occurred in the midst of a politically charged time and place that has forever stop me from pursuing jobs that would allow me to reach and help others due to the stigma of the label of white collar or political felon. These ties to my past have prevented me from being able to fully provide for my family, my local community and even the church congregation who I have done my best to serve over these past two decades. 

I have lost many opportunities both in education and in ministry due to the label placed upon me, which has damaged the ability to move from an emerging ministry and towards a thriving ministry that can allow others to engage with me without fear of the burden of my past. It was an event that halted even volunteer ministry and service for me after years of service and goodwill. These hardships can be alleviated by a shared embrace of a community such as the one I have be privileges to be a part of with Progressive Prison Ministries, the Rev. Jeff Grant and all of those who seek to do good and recognize that every human person has value and worth.

I was the Sheriff of Bergen County, an elected position that I held from January of 1999 until my resignation on Jan. 11, 2001. I take full responsibility for my actions, and I wanted to share this part of my life. There was nothing I loved more than being a police officer and helping others. I followed in my Dad’s footsteps into Law Enforcement and I have had to find a new path in the midst of the trauma of that departure. I left office after a political scandal, which unfortunately was tied to my status as a gay man elected to my position, contributing to the fervor for my resignation and prosecution. At the conclusion of a 20 year career as a police officer, public official and community leader, I personally accepted responsibility for allowing politics as usual within my office, which I was a part of. I permitted my staff to continue past practices of that office. I acknowledged full responsibility for several mistakes that occurred and left in disgrace. I still continue to make those amends to this day, and will continue to until my last days.

First and foremost, the result of all of these experiences were a tremendous lesson in humility. One of the major reasons is to honor my father and mother who both dedicated their lives to public service in the New Jersey.  I followed in both of their examples, first as a public servant, and now I am trying to be a servant to God’s people, that this stigma has prevented me from doing fully. My experience, from the political to the human tragedies in the stories I have come to hear over the past 5 years, has led me to fight even harder for social justice, criminal justice and political reform. This indeed has been a blessing from this dark and sad event.

I would like to congratulate the Rev. Jeff Grant for leading the way of self-reform, change, forgiveness, as well as how the impact of a criminal record and the need for some reform for non-violent offenders, and especially political crimes and the impact it has on our inability to labor and service ever again, especially in not being able to help others in a call to God’s service. I loved working with this amazing fellow travelers making the world a better place in the midst of loss and grief together we hope that everyone can learn to temper justice with mercy and offer love and forgiveness.

Fr. Joe can be reached at stjosephmissionchurch@gmail.com.

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Link here to White Collar Week Podcast Ep. 10: The Ministers, with Guests: Father Joe Ciccone & Father Rix Thorsell

White Collar Week Podcast: An Evening with Our White Collar Support Group. The support group meeting on this podcast is different than most, because all of the 16 group members appearing have agreed to share their names, faces and very personal stories in an effort to reach out to individuals and families suffering in silence. All on the podcast are post-sentencing or back from prison. Watch on YouTube, Listen on Spotify, Apple Podcasts and SoundCloud, link here.

 

White Collar Support Group 250th Meeting Reflections: Fellow Traveler Jacqueline Polverari, Connecticut

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Jacquie Polverari is a member of our White Collar Support Group that meets online on Zoom on Monday evenings. We will celebrate our 250th weekly meeting on Monday, March 29, 2021, 7 pm ET, 4 pm PT; all Fellow Travelers are invited.

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I never thought of myself needing a support group of any kind, after all I am the one who gives the support and does not receive it or even seek it.  But upon reflection for the upcoming 250th meeting of Progressive Prison Ministries support group in which I have been a part of since September 2016, I cannot imagine not having the support that has been given to me by this amazing group of individuals.

After living all my adult life as a people-pleaser, caregiver, “fixer” of problems for all my family, loved ones and friends I self-destructed hard in 2009.  I was a business owner, wife, mother, daughter, and friend to everyone, except to myself as I lost my sense of self in all the expectations that I thought was expected of me wearing all those hats.  I sold my morals and ethics to be a savior of a failing business because that is what I thought my worth was.  No one told me that but that is what I believed and told myself when I took a mortgage out on my home and overstated my income.  I told myself this is how I can fix my business, the company that employed all the people that were important to me as failure was not an option, so I used the funds to make payroll and operating expenses and self-destructed going down a rabbit hole into the darkest moments of my life.

For the next five years, after pleading guilty to mortgage fraud and while awaiting sentencing I isolated myself.  I was embarrassed, ashamed and most of all I felt guilty of what I brought upon my family in making such poor choices.  I thought there was no one else in the world who made such poor choices, I was all alone in my thoughts.  I just wanted to go and do my 7 months in Danbury Prison and come home so I could never think if it again…I was wrong!

I self-surrendered to Danbury Federal Prison January 5, 2015 and when I walked out of there to “freedom” on July 22, 2015 I felt more chained and isolated that I ever have.  When I was in Danbury, I was forced time…time to reflect upon the poor choices I made, time to look at myself for who I was and especially time to decide who I wanted to become.  I met the most incredible women who also were forced that time, we had a bond and we felt part of a community of women working on themselves to seek out change, see evolution within ourselves.   I was excited to start a new chapter of my life with a renewed sense of worth of myself. But what I found when I came home was a non-forgiving society with much judgement and was quite unwelcoming.  I questioned the work I had done on myself because maybe I was not worth given a second chance.  I again isolated myself and became flooded with guilt and shame, how dare I think that these poor choices I made would not define me because my neighborhood and community certainly thought that.  Although I had an immense support system within my family, I could not face the world because I did not feel I was deserving.

The feeling of loneliness and isolation grew until I came across Rev. Jeff Grant’s website, prisonist.org. on an internet quest to find people that were going through something similar as me.  The first Monday night meeting I joined I found that I needed support and I found a community where I was allowed a forum to be open and vulnerable without judgement.  Reaching out to Jeff was one of the best choices I made because this group gave me community and the feeling of acceptance that I was so in need of.

I thank Jeff Grant and every individual who I crossed paths within our support group over the past five years because if not for them I am not quite sure I would not have had the courage or strength to pick myself up, dust myself off and take a breath.  A breath to realize that people are not defined by their pasts and we could change our behaviors and thoughts.

Fast forward to today, almost 250 meetings later, this group helped me find my way again.  It has been such an essential piece of my healing.  I am so grateful for every individual in the group, especially Fr. Joe and Rev. Jeff for hosting this weekly and giving so much of yourselves to make others feel whole again. 

You can reach Jacqueline at: http://www.evolutionreentry.com/.

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Link here to Podcast Ep. 05: Trauma and Healing when Mom goes to Prison, with Guests: Jacqueline Polverari and Her Daughters, Alexa & Maria

White Collar Week Podcast: An Evening with Our White Collar Support Group. The support group meeting on this podcast is different than most, because all of the 16 group members appearing have agreed to share their names, faces and very personal stories in an effort to reach out to individuals and families suffering in silence. All on the podcast are post-sentencing or back from prison. Watch on YouTube, Listen on Spotify, Apple Podcasts and SoundCloud, link here.

 

White Collar Support Group 250th Meeting Reflections: Fellow Traveler Seth Williams, Philadelphia

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Seth Williams is a member of our White Collar Support Group that meets online on Zoom on Monday evenings. We will celebrate our 250th weekly meeting on Monday, March 29, 2021, 7 pm ET, 4 pm PT; all Fellow Travelers are invited.

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Congratulations Jeff on your 250th Support Group Meeting. I felt alone, and thought there was no one that could relate to what I was going through. You have been the big brother, I never had and you have created a network of welcoming, non-judgmental, and understanding men and women that share their similar experiences in an open and nurturing environment. You are absolutely correct, “It’s the isolation that destroys us. The solution is community.” and we have you to thank for creating one for us.

I was the elected DIstrict Attorney of Philadelphia, I had spent the majority of my professional career working to prevent crime, and hold those accountable that harmed society. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think I would be the target of a criminal investigation, indicted by a federal grand jury or serve time in prison. All of those things eventually happened and I wasn’t ready. I wish I had known then, of Rev. Jeff Grant, his Progressive Prison Ministry and White Collar Support Group. Jeff and his group are now a significant part of my life and I am eternally grateful.

As the D.A., I was responsible for the criminal prosecution of over 70,000 cases a year in a city of 1.5 million people. I supervised a staff of 600 men and women with an annual budget of over $54 million.

I had two Blackberries, one alerted me constantly of every murder, shooting, rape, suicide, missing child and stabbing. I was routinely rushed to crime scenes, trauma centers, and asked to speak at funerals and memorial services for crime victims. These daily traumas were compounded by the reality of being a political figure in a city known for politics being a dirty full contact sport.

Lunch meetings were power lunches with cocktails and every evening included multiple events where alcohol was free and flowing like a Bacchanalian feast. I increasingly began to numb myself with alcohol and the need for affection. Both made me feel guilt, and instead of dealing with the emotions in healthy ways, I drank more. A self-destructive cycle.

After my divorce, I lived beyond my means. I wanted to keep my daughters in their private school and to keep my house. I accepted gifts from my friends. I should have reported all of them and others I should not have accepted, but I was too ashamed to admit my friends helped me. Right or wrong, as the District Attorney, the mere appearance of impropriety is detrimental to the entire justice system and I failed to live up to the highest standard.

Despite having been an attorney for 25 years, with experience as an Assistant District Attorney, as an Army JAG lawyer, and as a criminal defense attorney, nothing prepared me for having the criminal justice system turn my own life upside down. The majority of questions that I had, the ones that kept me up at night or made me feel that I couldn’t hold my food down, could not be answered by my attorneys. They knew legal procedure, they didn’t know how it felt to be indicted. They understood how to file motions, they could not understand or help me process all of the unknowns. What would I be charged with? How would the public react? How will all of this affect my children, family and loved ones? I was afraid, angry, ashamed, embarrassed, anxious, could not sleep and began to drink even more. I wish I had known of the White Collar Support Group.

I recognized I was wrong to have accepted and not reported all of the gifts and I had negotiated with the city’s ethics board to pay $65,000 in fines for not reporting all of the gifts. I was still indicted with 29 felonies and faced approximately 145 years in prison. The night before the indictment was to be made public, I met with my ex-wife and daughters to explain to them what was about to happen. How do you look into your little girls’ eyes and tell them all of these things. Where do you begin? Should you be strong for them or let them see you cry? I wish I had known Jeff. I wish I could have spoken with men and women that knew my struggle.

I never thought I would be the defendant in a criminal trial. Yet every morning I went to court as the elected local D.A. and sat in the defendant’s chair in a federal courtroom.. My attorneys were friends of mine since we met on our very first day as assistant district attorneys in 1992. They fought the good fight and we had a very good first week and a half of trial. We had one very bad day and the prosecutors offered us to plead guilty to one count. I wanted to continue fighting, but my attorneys made it clear that pleading guilty to one count with a maximum exposure of 5 years was better than risking going to the jury and not knowing what could happen. We were told if I pled, I would be allowed to remain on bail until my sentencing and possibly even until my expected self-surrender to a prison camp 4 or 5 months in the future. Once again, I had a heartfelt conversation with my family. I wish I had known of Progressive Prison Ministries.

I told my daughters and girlfriend I would be back around lunch time. That I would enter the plea and come home and have the rest of the summer to be with them, sell our home, and get “my affairs in order” prior to going away. The judge had a different plan. I entered my plea, and he immediately withdrew my bail. I did not go home for lunch on June 29, 2017. Instead, I was handcuffed in court and taken underground from the courthouse to the Philadelphia Federal Detention Center. I was stripped searched, given orange underwear and an orange jumpsuit and locked in solitary confinement for 152 days. 5 months all alone.

While I was in solitary, I could speak to inmates in adjacent cells through the grating of the plumbing access panels that separated our cells It was from those men that I learned how to prepare for my pre-sentence investigation, prison programs that could reduce my sentence, how the federal bureau of prisons would determine which prison I would serve my sentence, how I could continue my relationship with my family while I would be away, and most of the questions that I had for my attorneys. Frequently the very topics that we discuss during our White Collar Support group meetings.

I had visited prisons as a law student, as a prosecutor, and criminal defense attorney. Yet, the majority of my understanding of prison life was irrationally shaped by Shawshank Redemption, The Green Mile, Angels with Dirty Face, and other fictional accounts. My fears were based on my ignorance.

I was sentenced to 60 months. As a result of an inmate telling me about RDAP (the residential drug abuse program) I was honest with the presentence investigator and shared with her my history of alcohol abuse. If not for that inmate, I would have thought sharing that truth would have hurt me even more at sentencing. If I had known of the White Collar Support Group, I would have been aware of RDAP and that completing it would reduce my sentence by 12 months. I would have learned of “Earned Good Time”, “Residential Reentry Centers”, home confinement and a myriad of

I served 5 months in solitary confinement before being transferred to the Oklahoma Transportation Center via “ConAir”, and ultimately served an additional 29 months in FCI-Morgantown. I lost my reputation, my elected office, my military career, my pensions, my law license, my home and most tragically time with my loved ones.

After my release from prison, I spent 6 months on home confinement and am now on supervised release. While there may be no one way to prepare for any of these things. I am fortunate that once I returned home I found Rev. Jeff Grant through social media, and he has greatly assisted my reentry.

Jeff listens. I look forward to our weekly White Collar Support Group meetings. I now have a network of friends that I can share my concerns with that have experienced the very same things that I am going through. I listen to people that I have lived it. I hear the good, the bad and the miraculous. These new friends are not just faces on a zoom screen. Frequently, we connect via phone or email to follow up and support each other.

“It’s the isolation that destroys us. The solution is community.” and I now have the White Collar Support Group to thank for creating one for me. Hopefully, I can give to others as much as I have gratefully received.

 

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Link here to Podcast Ep. 25, Ex-Philadelphia D.A., Seth Williams, Part Two

Link here to Podcast Ep. 24, Ex-Philadelphia D.A., Seth Williams, Part One

White Collar Week Podcast: An Evening with Our White Collar Support Group. The support group meeting on this podcast is different than most, because all of the 16 group members appearing have agreed to share their names, faces and very personal stories in an effort to reach out to individuals and families suffering in silence. All on the podcast are post-sentencing or back from prison. Watch on YouTube, Listen on Spotify, Apple Podcasts and SoundCloud, link here.

 

White Collar Support Group 250th Meeting Reflections: Fellow Traveler Tom Hardin, New Jersey

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Tom Hardin is a member of our White Collar Support Group that meets online on Zoom on Monday evenings. We will celebrate our 250th weekly meeting on Monday, March 29, 2021, 7 pm ET, 4 pm PT; all Fellow Travelers are invited.

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My name is Tom Hardin.

When I was 28 years old, I made a decision that would forever change the course of my life. Approached by FBI agents on the street in NYC a year later, I was charged with insider trading (securities fraud) and finally sentenced several years later in 2015. With most of my 30s spent waiting to be sentenced, any chance of restarting a professional career was basically over with my reputation in tatters. I had spent those “purgatory” years waiting to be sentenced running through a never ending loop of “what-ifs”; replaying that scenario in my head, 

“What if I had just hung up the phone and not traded?” 

“Why did I feel I needed to cross the line?” 

This ultimately devolved into a constant spiral of self-flagellation and depression. As the father of two young daughters, I had no idea how I would be able to provide for my family again. Just one search on Google was enough to destroy any promising leads I had in job searches.

Then in 2016, I connected with an individual in a similar circumstance as mine who introduced me to Jeff Grant. A few weeks before my first conversation with Jeff, I had been asked out of the blue by the FBI to speak to their rookie agents in NYC about my case so it could be used as a training example for the young agents. That first speech at the FBI was absolutely cathartic. Laying out why I did what I did at the time opened my eyes to the possibility of the story having some value for future young professionals in highly competitive industries.

I spoke to Jeff for about an hour, swapping stories from each of our personal crucibles and realized how many similarities we had. When Jeff mentioned there is an entire group of people like us who meet weekly, I suddenly felt a sense of relief. After sharing my story in 2016 with the group, I decided to explore the professional speaking and corporate training route as a potential second career. A cold email to 400 NYC financial firms went mostly ignored except for one reply who invited me to speak to their firm. Referrals from that first presentation completely changed my life and a second career was born as a professional speaker and corporate trainer. Now in 2021, I’ve presented nearly 400 times to companies, conferences, universities and associations. It’s never easy to share your personal crucible of mistakes but when you hear the feedback from audiences, which often includes people in the audience reflecting on moments in their own careers at those decision crossroads, I’ve learned all of our stories do have tremendous value.

I never would have taken that first step to cold email without support from the group and very much look forward to our 250th Meeting soon on March 29. 

I’ve learned these moments can either DEFINE us, DESTROY us or DEVELOP us into something completely different. I hope we all might find strength to move past the first two and embrace personal development into something new. While none of us can take back our poor decisions, we can choose how we react today, how we can lean into them to become better people, parents, siblings and friends to the most important people in our lives. 

Congratulations to all Fellow Travelers on our 250th meeting! 

God Bless.

Tom Hardin can be reached at tipperx.com, tom@tipperx.com.

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Link here to White Collar Week Podcast Ep. 04: One-on-One with Tipper X, with Guest: Tom Hardin

White Collar Week Podcast: An Evening with Our White Collar Support Group. The support group meeting on this podcast is different than most, because all of the 16 group members appearing have agreed to share their names, faces and very personal stories in an effort to reach out to individuals and families suffering in silence. All on the podcast are post-sentencing or back from prison. Watch on YouTube, Listen on Spotify, Apple Podcasts and SoundCloud, link here.

 

White Collar Support Group 250th Meeting Reflections: Fellow Traveler Craig Stanland, New York

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Craig Stanland is a member of our White Collar Support Group that meets online on Zoom on Monday evenings. We will celebrate our 250th weekly meeting on Monday, March 29, 2021, 7 pm ET, 4 pm PT; all Fellow Travelers are invited.

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I was arrested by the FBI on October 1st, 2013.

I remember being handcuffed in the back of an FBI cruiser as we drove north on Route 95:

The agent behind the wheel is texting and making calls as he weaves in and out of late morning traffic. He’s speaking to someone who is wherever we are going, preparing them for our arrival. I don’t know where we’re going or what happens next.
 
Nobody is telling me anything, and I’m afraid to ask.
 
The agent in the backseat is creeping me out. I can’t put my finger on it. There’s an aura surrounding him, like walking into a house and getting the chills. Since I invoked my right to silence, he can’t speak about the case.

Instead, he’s talking about the best pizza places in Connecticut and how hot the women in Greenwich are. I can’t push myself any further away from him; my elbow is digging into the car door.  
 
Both of their faces light up when one of them tells me that due to the government shutdown,
 
“Everyone there today volunteered to arrest you for no pay.”
 
Lucky me.

I was lucky in a sense; there was no news coverage. I had been arrested, but no one would find out unless I told them.

I thought I had dodged a bullet, but I was wrong.

The government eventually opened back up, which meant the FBI press office did as well.

The news hit, and it hit hard.

The shame I was feeling was exacerbated by article after article detailing my crime. I had kept the news from all but my closest friends. I couldn’t hide it anymore; it was out of my control.

I received numerous supportive texts from friends and acquaintances. Still, there was one that stood out and that I am forever grateful for.

My neighbor and friend Wayne read the news in the local Greenwich newspaper. His message was kind and supportive, and he hoped that he was “not crossing any lines,” but he has a friend who might be able to help me.  

He forwarded me some information on Jeff Grant. I remember standing in my living room with my now ex-wife when I read what Wayne had sent me.

Jeff spoke as if he was living inside of my body at that exact moment. He spoke of shame and isolation; he spoke of uncertainty and fear. His words took the air from my lungs.

I sat down, put my head in my hands, and wept. I wept because the words were so raw and personal, and I wept because they were exactly how I was feeling – but I didn’t know how to express it myself.

It’s hard for me to describe the level of uncertainty and pure fear I felt during that time.

The closest I can get is this:

The sound of handcuffs snapping shut is one of the most visceral sounds in the world. Every click of the metal teeth reverberated through my ears and wrapped themselves around my heart. Each click crushing any hope I foolishly held onto. The cold steel weighing heavy on my wrists, the pure helplessness and vulnerability of my arms pinned behind my back.

This was the moment the ground beneath my feet disappeared.

Weightlessness and emptiness consumed me as I fell into an abyss. The abyss was as black as any black I have ever experienced.

My life was an absence of light, enveloped in fear.

Falling. Falling. Falling. Into the unknown, with no end in sight.

My life was no longer my life. It belonged to the government.

My fate rested in the hands of the FBI, the Prosecutors, and the Judge.

Every single thing I did was shrouded by the dark cloud of uncertainty.

Jeff helped me navigate this uncertainty. Jeff gave me something tangible I could grasp. I had a sliver of light in a sea of darkness.

This was seven years ago.

Today I have a successful coaching business, a soon-to-be-published memoir, “Blank Canvas, How I Reinvented My Life After Prison,” and a TEDx titled “How I Learned My Greatest Worth in Federal Prison.”

Jeff and the Progressive Prison Ministries were and are an integral part of my journey from rock-bottom to where I am today.

The support of the group pre-prison, in prison, and post-prison has been immeasurable.

How do you measure a sense of peace and belonging? A sense of community and understanding? How does one measure the unraveling of shame?

I suppose in gratitude.

I will be forever grateful to Jeff and the Progressive Prison Ministries.

Congratulations on reaching the 250th meeting. What an incredible milestone, one that I’m honored to be a part of. 

www.craigstanland.com

LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/craigstanland

IG: craig_stanland

TEDx: https://www.ted.com/talks/craig_stanland_how_i_learned_my_greatest_worth_in_federal_prison

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Link here to White Collar Week Podcast Ep. 11: Blank Canvas, with Guest: Craig Stanland

White Collar Week Podcast: An Evening with Our White Collar Support Group. The support group meeting on this podcast is different than most, because all of the 16 group members appearing have agreed to share their names, faces and very personal stories in an effort to reach out to individuals and families suffering in silence. All on the podcast are post-sentencing or back from prison. Watch on YouTube, Listen on Spotify, Apple Podcasts and SoundCloud, link here.

 

White Collar Support Group 250th Meeting Reflections: Fellow Traveler Debbie Colbourn, Canada

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Debbie Colbourn is a member of our White Collar Support Group that meets online on Zoom on Monday evenings. We will celebrate our 250th weekly meeting on Monday, March 29, 2021, 7 pm ET, 4 pm PT; all Fellow Travelers are invited.

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The Support Group I Didn’t Realize How Much I Needed – Reflections for Our 250th Meeting

After twenty plus years, I thought I had successfully navigated the aftermath of my one big, bad decision – as a well paid professional accountant, to steal from my employer. Yet every day I dragged the albatross of shame, as a not so silent partner. Judging myself, saying things you’d never ever say to someone else – to myself. It was there in everything I did, telling me I wasn’t worthy of my dreams, sabotaging my progress, keeping me stuck in an endless cycle of struggle, and aloneness. Not loneliness but a weird kind of social isolation.

I listened, watched, read countless stories about people who had hit rock bottom and clawed their way back to better than before … and that was my fuel – my inspiration … and one day I heard Jeff Grant’s story. And reached out to him … could I join the group if I hadn’t been arrested or been in jail?

Exactly one year later here I am thanks to the men and women, a melting pot of amazing humans, in the group who helped me defuse the shame of “I’m a very smart person, how could I have been so stupid!!!” … Believe me, we all make at least one big bad decision in our lives, we just have different methods. The support group for me is much like a high end mastermind, with hot seats, getting a diverse set of perspectives, allowing you to observe your situation through new eyes and experiences.

Listening each week brings up new questions, to be considered. You hear common phrases used to describe what a person is going through, and recounts of past circumstances that might be a key. And its raw, and its real. And its non judgemental. And its human – there’s laughing, and crying, and conversation, and listening … and there is open sharing of resources that just might be what you need right now.

I didn’t know if I could bring anything of value to the group, but somehow each one of us does, in our own style and words. We all have similar through lines but the story that encapsulates each is unique and every time you tell the story it reveals more of its depth until one day you wake up and realise that the shame has lost its charge. It no longer has a death grip on you, and your life.

The level of gratitude I have for Jeff and every support group member is beyond words.

Thank you for being you, even on the days when being someone else is pretty damn appealing.

Debbie Colbourn – Creator of The Unshackled Life Podcast

 

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White Collar Week Podcast: An Evening with Our White Collar Support Group. The support group meeting on this podcast is different than most, because all of the 16 group members appearing have agreed to share their names, faces and very personal stories in an effort to reach out to individuals and families suffering in silence. All on the podcast are post-sentencing or back from prison. Watch on YouTube, Listen on Spotify, Apple Podcasts and SoundCloud, link here.

 

White Collar Support Group 250th Meeting Reflections: Fellow Traveler Richard Anon

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Richard is a member of our White Collar Support Group that meets online on Zoom on Monday evenings. We will celebrate our 250th weekly meeting on Monday, March 29, 2021, 7 pm ET, 4 pm PT; all Fellow Travelers are invited.

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That the white collar support group has endured to 250 meetings reflects a number of truths both about the group itself and larger society. 

One is that there are a great many lonely, tortured souls out there, in desperate need of belonging.  They are hurting, suffering and this group provides a sense of community for people where in many cases, they have lost theirs.  We share our adversity and more importantly, our hope through a shared, common experience that is universally one of the most difficult chapters in our lives.  The sheer fact we draw folks nationally from all walks of life shows what need there is and has been for our white collar community.

Ever since my own criminal case, I have felt an outcast from polite society.  I have struggled for years (and still do), and even though I have been exonerated, I carry the scarlet letter of shame deeply branded into my soul.  This group helps me not just find myself but forge a new path and new identity for myself.  Admittedly, it is difficult at times.  But facing life with the oasis of folks who’ve been there is far better than without.

Yet another truth is that no one is perfect.  We all have our moments of grace and moments of being low.  This group provides a safe space to discuss both.

I’ve known Jeff nearly a decade now, and have had the fortune of walking alongside him, be supported by him and see him come into his own self-actualizing as the driving spirit and leader of the white collar support group and championing a transformation in the way we view and characterize white collar criminals.

It’s ironic despite America’s Judeo-Christian roots, the compulsion to judge, cancel and vilify white collar criminals is oddly strongest with those groups identifying either as strongly liberal or strongly evangelical.  Perhaps ‘white collar’ is a misnomer.  Perhaps it is just a group that finds no safe harbor anywhere on the social or religious spectrum?  For now, we can find safe harbor amongst ourselves.

Jesus was preoccupied with the plight of prisoners.  “Remember those in prison as if you were their fellow prisoners, and those who are mistreated as if you yourselves were suffering.”  I have found this group strengthens my faith and humanity, and reinforces my belief that God has a plan for each and every one of us.

It’s amazing, 250 meetings.  What will we look like when we celebrate 500 meetings? – Richard

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White Collar Week Podcast: An Evening with Our White Collar Support Group. The support group meeting on this podcast is different than most, because all of the 16 group members appearing have agreed to share their names, faces and very personal stories in an effort to reach out to individuals and families suffering in silence. All on the podcast are post-sentencing or back from prison. Watch on YouTube, Listen on Spotify, Apple Podcasts and SoundCloud, link here.

 

White Collar Support Group 250th Meeting Reflections: Fellow Traveler Rix Thorsell, Chicago

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Rix Thorsell is a member of our White Collar Support Group that meets online on Zoom on Monday evenings. We will celebrate our 250th weekly meeting on Monday, March 29, 2021, 7 pm ET, 4 pm PT; all Fellow Travelers are invited.

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‘New Paths’ – Reflections on “White Collar Support Group”

Rev. Fr. Rix Thorsell

There’s a certain point when a person realizes that they can’t do it alone. For me, it started with my departure from ministry after developing a gambling addiction. My life fell apart from there, and only then did I start to feel truly humbled, and at the mercy of a seemingly uncaring universe.

While I attended recovery programs with the hope I could understand myself better, there was always a chasm between my life experiences and those of my fellow recovering gamblers. There was something missing that I felt deep in my soul, not so much for my addiction but for the experience of being criminally prosecuted for use of unauthorized gift cards as a minister. I struggled to find anyone who could relate to the situation I had gone through.

I knew Jeff Grant from my days in seminary over a decade ago, long before my personal tragedy unfolded. I knew of this ‘White Collar support group’ Jeff had founded, but never looked into that much further, even after I started my recovery program. But in my desire to better myself, and a nudge from a few friends, I decided to check it out. I had no idea what was on the other side of this door I just walked through.

That first meeting I attended several years ago gave me a jolt. Yes, there were others in the White Collar Ministry Support Group who had addictions, but to listen to others who committed non-violent, white-collar crimes instantly gave me a sense of comfort and belonging. Every week, new stories and experiences opened my eyes wider to both my own journey as well as the struggles so many other face in silence.

I’ll be honest and say that at the outset, I was erratic in my attendance after that first meeting. I felt uncertain as to the good it could give me in the long run. So I popped in when I made the time and kept listening, hoping something would reveal itself… some sort of sign or revelation.

Interestingly enough, it wasn’t just the listening that drew me into this community. Jeff wanted me to speak on my story, both during the meeting and on his podcast “White Collar Week”. That was a jolt for me.

I found someone who was intentional about asking me to share my experience, not out of a mandated “talk-time” but in a genuine interest in what I went through, and how I was moving on from past mistakes. It was at that point I knew I had found a home and community that I never knew I needed. And it offered much, much more than that.

So often, I had been searching for what could help me. But the reality was that it wasn’t just about me, but also what I could offer to others by simply being open and honest about my past and present. This White Collar Ministry Support Group, and Jeff particularly, has offered something a lot of us search for but struggle to find. The value of being a part of this community grows every week, and every new story offers both insight into others’ lives as well as a chance to give one of the most precious gifts; a voice that is heard.

Being heard after feeling discarded by everyone around us is everything.

As we approach the 250th meeting of this group, I can’t help but reflect on my transformation in light of the things I have both heard and shared among those who encountered similar demons. Now, I look forward to Monday nights when new members share their journey, the feedback from those who have walked the path, and the future of a community that meets us where we are. Growth building on growth.

It’s a genuine blessing a space like this exists, and I’m excited to see what the next 250 meetings brings about.

 

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Link here to Podcast Ep. 10: The Ministers, with Guests: Father Joe Ciccone & Father Rix Thorsell

White Collar Week Podcast: An Evening with Our White Collar Support Group. The support group meeting on this podcast is different than most, because all of the 16 group members appearing have agreed to share their names, faces and very personal stories in an effort to reach out to individuals and families suffering in silence. All on the podcast are post-sentencing or back from prison. Watch on YouTube, Listen on Spotify, Apple Podcasts and SoundCloud, link here.

 

Letters from Prison: Scott Farah

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Scott Farah is currently incarcerated in the Satellite Camp at FCI Loretto in Cresson, Pennsylvania. He is a Member-in-Absentia of our online White Collar Support Group that meets on Monday evenings. We will celebrate our 250th weekly meeting on Monday, March 29, 2021, 7 pm ET, 4 pm PT; all Fellow Travelers are invited.

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I started my business in 1989. I owned an investment bank. Over the next twenty years, it became the largest investment bank in a small state, New Hampshire. I had offices in 18 states and, was doing well financially. However, I had a fatal flaw in my life, misplaced priorities. My priorities were business, family, God. I was a deacon in my church, well respected in the community. Had a wife and two great sons and all the money that I needed to live the lifestyle I wanted. Yet, because of my priorities being out of whack, I lost it all. After you reach a certain level of income, it no longer becomes about the money, it becomes about the deal. It actually becomes an addiction. You can’t think of anything but the next deal. An example, I was on a two week vacation with my wife, my cousin and his wife in Greece. I spent most of the vacation negotiating a deal back in the United States, even though I didn’t need the money! This type of behavior led me to begin “borrowing” money from client escrow accounts. Why? So I could do more deals. When the real estate market collapsed in 2009, I couldn’t put the money back and lost everything.

For 14 months between the time I closed the doors of my bank and the time that I came into prison, I was in “limbo land”.  I came within a hair’s breadth of committing suicide. My wife of over 20 years left me. Because I was a big fish in a small pond, I was on the front page of the newspaper all the time. There were numerous reports on television. Per my attorney’s advice, I agreed to testify in the State congress as to how I did what I did. It was beyond painful. In the Bible there is a verse that states “Be sure that your sin will find you out”. I certainly can attest to the truth of that verse. I couldn’t even leave the place I was staying to go to the store, I was the most notorious person in the State of New Hampshire.

When I was at the bottom, I had a choice, kill myself or change my priorities, putting God first in my life. I chose the latter and, things have never been the same. Prior to coming into prison, my Uncle Dave, a missionary for over 60 years, told me to consider the prison as a mission field, to ask God to use me to help others. I talked to a couple of guys who had served time for white collar crimes. They told me that I should not associate with anyone,. to spend my time on my bunk or in the library. I determined to listen to my Uncle Dave’s advice. I thought that I was going to get a 9 year sentence and self-surrender to a camp Instead, the judge, due to political pressure, gave me 15 years and sent me to a low. Instead of walking out of the court and preparing to self-surrender, I was taken out of the courtroom in handcuffs and thrown into holding with about 20 other guys in prison for various sorts of crimes. As soon as the door slammed shut, three young men approached me, one white, one black and one Hispanic. They were all drug dealers and all headed to the Pen, the highest level of custody in the BOP. As they approached me, my first thought was that they were going to shake me down. Instead, they asked me if I were Scott Farah. When I said, “Yes”, they said they had been reading about me in the newspaper. They wanted to know if I would be willing to teach them about business. I was surprised but agreed. Those three young men took care of me for the two months I was in holding. In addition, they brought many others to learn about business. I had no way of making things right with the people I had hurt. However, by having this opportunity to help guys, I was able to start “giving back”.

When I got to the Low, I was, to say the least, concerned. I had heard all the stories about extortion and gang violence. I continued to follow my Uncle Dave’s advice and give back. Some of guys that arrived with me in the Low had been involved with my impromptu business classes. They spread the word and in less than a week I was teaching business classes. Within the first few months, the head of the Bloods, the head of the Colombian gang and the head of the Mexican gang in the prison were in my business classes. I never once had a problem in the years that I was in the Low. Because I was willing to give back, willing to help, willing to share my knowledge for free, guys not only respected me, they became my friends and protectors. The one time I was accosted by a gang was when the Arian Nation threatened me because I was teaching blacks and Hispanics. I told the head of the Colombians what had happened and I never heard from the Arian Nation boys again.

I have been in a camp for a number of years now. And, have continued to give back. I have seen lives change. One example, Bill, was a drug dealer. He was in his early 40’s when he came to the camp. Bill had never held a legal job. The only thing he knew how to do was sell drugs. He knew that when he went back out, he would be forced to return to that life. He knew that he was “doing life on the installment plan.” Bill wanted another option. I was able to offer him that option. He came to all my business classes and I helped him create a business plan. Bill has been out for two years now. He has a very successful towing business going. He now has three tow trucks and two guys working for him. He will never go back to selling drugs. Honestly, the feeling I get when I hear from Bill, (every time he contacts me he tells me how I saved his life), is better than any feeling I had when I “made the big deal” in my previous life. And Bill is just one of a number of guys who I have been able to help. This, quite simply, is true wealth

I will be out in less than a year and the focus of my life has changed. The driving force is not how much money I can make. How many deals I can complete, but rather, how many people like Bill I can help. I have, over the last few years, written a re-entry plan which is five books. This correspondence course is specifically is designed to help people like Bill learn everything necessary to succeed upon release. Currently, this correspondence course is in the approval process for both PELL Grants and the V.A. hopefully, within the next six months, inmates across the country will be able to receive this course for free. My goal is to help thousands if not tens of thousands of Bill’s. On a spiritual note, I have set up a plan whereby retired Pastors and Priests will be in email contact with inmates providing them with spiritual counsel. As anyone who has served time or has had a loved one serve time knows, the emotional and psychological strain of being in prison takes a terrible toll and inmates need access to help. On the other side of the table, many retired pastors and priests, my father is a prime example, want to be useful but are physically unable to pastor a church any more. I will have this program up and running within a few months of my release.

So, I am walking out of prison with a mission, a vision, and a far more rewarding life than I could have ever imagined. It’s a life that I am excited about, a life that will be a blessing to others, a life that no amount of money in the world could buy.

God Bless;

Scott Farah

Scott Farah can be reached at: Scott Farah, Reg. # 11229-049, FCI Loretto, Satellite Camp. PO Box 1000, Cresson, PA, 16630-1007

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